Whats so good being sixteen ? If you ask anybody out there, they will definitely give you an answer like,
" Oh you see, I can play pool.. watch NC16 movie.. " , " Two years later I can watch M18 movie" .
But if you asked me. I would have answered like this.
" I want to be older. "Why?
My mum gave birth to my brothers at a tender age of twenty, I mean, its considered young to me. But sixteen years later, she gave birth to me.
She claim it was unexpected. ("-.-)Well, so be it then. But why am I born so
LATE? My family is BIGG. My grandmother have 9 children, including one that was given away to a couple. And all her children, which are my uncles and aunties, gave birth to their children.
So the generation goes on.BUT why the hell am I born so late!?All my cousins are old enough to go to pub, do things that adults do. My youngest elder cousin is at the age of twenty. And the oldest ones(many), were married and had already given birth to babies, making me an auntie also.
But I am the only one at the age of 16.The rest are younger than me. The oldest is only, primary 3.
Or even, primary 2?It sucks being the one caught in the middle. Who can understand my pain ? 
No one can share my worries with me.
I can't possibly talk to those older cousins. Not to even say, talk to those kids.
They don't even care about me. They thought my life is full of studies and nothing else. Nothing.Those big cousins talk about stuff which I don't understand. If I wanted to join in their conversation, they simple shook me off and say
" You are too young, you are not suitable to hear what we say. " Every Chinese New Year, I could only stick to my mummy/daddy.Even my real-blooded brother doesn't really talk to me. Maybe me second brother do, a little.
My cousins seldom talk to me. Group photos often exclude me.Is it because I'm sixteen ?The only cousin I talk to is the one which I mentioned earlier, 20 years old this year.
Few years back, we talked about everything. ....Few years later, we talked about nothing.Just because had she turn into a young adult, she and I have nothing common to chat about anymore.
I remembered once, when I was very very young(which implies that she is also very young), she said we should try being twin singers.
She share her joy with me when she had a boyfriend. She talked to me when they broke up.
No, its not her ignoring me. Its me the one ignoring her.What else can I do? She could only ask me,
"How's life?""Got boyfriend?""Got smoke?""Are you an ah lian?""Don't turn bad hor.""Study hard."...
"If you have any problems, find me."Problems? How to open my mouth and talk to them about
my problems?
What they will do is to tell you, " Don't think too much. "
Who the hell cares ? No one cares about me. They treat me as a kid and never welcome me to their lives.
They thought I'm still young. Maybe I am.
Because I'm sixteen and they are in their twenties/thirties.
Why am I born so late? Why am I sixteen?
.......
Sigh*.If you tell me I should think positive, maybe I should.
But who will understand me?
Everytime we go out, I could only follow my mummy.
My brothers doesn't really care about my mum's safety. Only me staying by her side helping her.
Even, even if they asked me go along with them(talking about family trip with relatives), I had no choice but to reject.
How the fuck could I abandon my mother and leave her alone, joining them?I hate to leave my mother alone.My eldest brother is celebrating his birthday tomorrow at east coast with BBQ. He invited all my cousins and , of course myself. I had tuition tomorrow, so I couldn't make it in the morning. So he asked me to go at a later time.
Mum and Dad have to work tomorrow.So I told him I'm not going because they are not going.
He told me to grow up and learn to be independent.So, I gave him the real reason, telling him I will surely be left out.
(My frankness astound both him and myself)" I'll surely be left out. We don't even have topics in common to talk about. Our age gap is considered huge." And so, he encouraged me, saying
" Its all about confidence. If you are confident in talking to them, and what you say is sensible, they will surely have a chat with you. "Is that going to be true? I thought to myself."Why wouldn't you say its something that builds up over the years?"(He looked rather shock to hear me say this)
It become so common over the years that nobody notices I am lonely.
I almost fucking cry when I talked to him. I returned to my room.
And now I am here, typing, at the same time feel like
crying.But I am not.
I just feel abit sour. Maybe I will feel better after typing out my emotions.
Why, am I caught in the middle, with no one almost the same age as me ?
At least we can play together. At least we can talk about our favourite singer. At least we can catch a movie together.. At least we can do things that teenagers do.Why?
I think I want to cry already.
Will things be better when I grow older?Will they even notice my presence?huiyan-
